Survey Monkey

Part 3 – Legal Tips: Fault


I knew little to nothing about the court system before my husband left. However, as you might relate, I got a quick education.

Current law and the state in which you live have a huge say in each person’s experience when a husband leaves. Although, different factors may be at play in your situation, I wanted to share with you some of the zingers that really caught my attention as I found myself walking on this unexpected road.

My prayer is that some of the information here may be of help to you as you face some of the challenges that lay ahead.

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3. The Judge Is Not Concerned About Who Is At Fault In The Divorce.

When your husband leaves because he has secretly become involved with another woman, this is a deep betrayal. When you have tried to take godly actions, and even have wanted to reconcile the marriage, it seems downright unfair that the judge cannot be informed of this.

GavelI remember hearing that my husband’s lawyer responded with a great deal of anger over me taking my newborn nursing infant with me to a mediation appointment. So later, I was told not to bring the baby into the courtroom where the judge could see him because his lawyer accused me of influencing the judge’s opinion of her client in what she claimed to be an ‘unfair’ way.

Does it not seem that the spouse who has done the betrayal or abuse should be penalized in the legal system? In No-Fault Divorce, it is just what it sounds like: no one is faulted.

So, the matter then becomes how to divide a household in half between the property, the assets, and, most importantly, the children.

Do you think this sounds vaguely familiar of the story in the Bible where Solomon suggests that the baby of the two arguing mothers be cut in two? Unfortunately, there are too many resemblances because divorce rips a family apart. Though it is not a physical tear, it often feels like it.

How can it be “so easy” to void a marriage contract, while, at the same time, a divorce contract can be a source of ongoing penalty for an uncooperative party for years to come if they do not abide by it.  It is as though the court regards a divorce as more legal than a marriage contract. Really? So sad.

All this is to say that you should not be surprised if you are unable to openly display the wrongdoing of your spouse.

However, take heart; often it is obvious. So just keep your cool, and just keep behaving in a way that God would want you to.

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            How do you jump successfully through all the hoops in the legal system when you do not know the first thing about the law when it comes to divorce? Maybe you have heard stories, or maybe someone close to you has gone through a divorce already. When it comes down to it, each one of us must prayerfully walk the road alone; make important, level-headed decisions about many matters as they come up; and understand what the wide array of consequences mean for ourselves in our particular situation.

            Remember this: God will help you. I recommend that you make it your top priority to ask Jesus to be involved with you each step of the way. Ask for wisdom because God promises that He will give it to you (James 1:5). 

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